1. Break plans with people and be late no matter what.
2. Get headaches a lot so you can't go out and play.
3. Don't leave the house even when you have the chance.
4. Watch cheesy television shows, even if you've already seen the same episode.
5. Tell terrible jokes.
6. Laugh really hard at your own bad jokes.
7. Listen to the same music as sixth-grade children.
8. Talk to yourself, the television, your computer, and myriad other inanimate objects.
9. Sleep as much as possible, and want to sleep when you aren't.
10. Know a lot about things nobody else cares about.
11. Only read kids' books.
12. Write about yourself all the time and reread your writing.
13. Pretend like you're writing in generalities when you're really writing about yourself again.
14. Think about hypothetical problems and situations as though they're real.
15. Think about television shows and characters as though they're real.
16. Project lives and personalities on people you don't know, making them your imaginary friends.
17. Forget to give out Christmas presents until three weeks after Christmas.
18. Forget to mail out Christmas cards two years in a row, even when they're all set and ready.
19. Come up with two extra items in a list because you have to end it on a good number.
20. Get sleepy and have to rest two full minutes before typing a final item in a list.
0 things: Your face is not lame at all. Walk, face, walk.
1-4 things: Somebody's getting a little slack-jawed here....
5-9 things: You're starting to look like Two-Face, son. Get some awesome in your life.
10-20 things: Do you even have any friends? Because you've got enough lame to make Lieutenant Dan pity you.
Clearly, as the author of this list that is very general and not about myself, I am exempt from all lameness mentioned in it and am allowed to knock any lameness I might have down to zero. Because I live a life full of awesome whether others realize it or not.
Ha, that was high-larious! I think I'll read this again after I tell my pillow about my day.
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