So Much

Hey, ladies and gentlemen.  I feel as though I've sorely neglected you, and I feel bad about that.  I was at school until after 9pm yesterday helping run the Forensics tournament (which we ROCKED, by the way), and I've been all over the place every day prior to that.  All I've wanted to do is come home and lie down and do nothing.  And I really mean do nothing.  Y'all, I haven't even wanted to watch television.  I think I've maybe watched an hour of television twice this week.  Today is Thursday.  That's the way it's been for almost a month.  Who am I?

My love of saving money is really getting in my way right now.  I can't bear to keep my heat at a comfortable temperature for myself (remember how I like to keep things around 78 or 80 in my apartment?) and spend all kinds of money on it, but may I please just share my sleeping arrangements last night to show you how sad I am during the wintertime?  Here we go--I was sleeping on top of two fleece blankets for insulation, wearing socks, knit pants, a long-sleeved turtleneck and a fleece sweater, and was covered with my favorite fleece-and-fur two-layer blanket.  And I woke up freezing.  My thermostat is set on 73.  Pathetic.  But will I spend the extra ten or twenty bucks a month to stay comfortable?

Are you kidding me?  And not be able to spend that money on clothes and shoes and bags, or even put it in my savings account (I LOVE to transfer funds to savings!!!) at a later date?

On an utterly opposite note, I'm not quite halfway through my shopping fast.  I may have told you that I'm not able to shop for forty days AGAIN --  clearly I'm a masochist -- and with all the fall sales that are going on, this is harder than ever.  I keep getting emails from DSW.com about deals they have on shoes, from giving 500 bonus rewards points on certain purchases, to giving a huge discount on a beautiful pair of red patent 3-inch Madden Girl pumps (yes, that email came just today, and it was all I could do not to buy them immediately).  I'm very ready for this to be over.

Here's the deal, though.  It's a fast.  And what's the purpose of a fast?  To deny self in some manner that represents a real personal sacrifice in order to increase one's focus on God.  I'm not supposed to be fasting from shopping just to save money, though that's the main reason I did it.  Like bigtime main reason I did it.  I'm supposed to be fasting from shopping in order to spend more time thinking about Christ, though, and the sacrifice He made for me.  I should be reading the Bible instead of visiting DSW.  I should be praying instead of scouting the internet for deals.  I should be checking the inspirational emails people send me instead of deleting them and heading straight for the Pottery Barn and Lands' End circulars.

I've been focusing on myself a whole lot lately -- my diet, my appearance, my love life (or most often, lack of it), my kids, my desires -- and I've been neglecting the One who made me possible in the first place.  That's so not fair to Him.  And frankly, it's not fair to myself, either, since I will quite clearly have a more peaceful existence when I rely on Christ instead of running from Him.

New fast:  me.  I'm fasting from thinking about what I want all the time, and instead praying about what God wants for me.  Thy will be done.

Hopefully this will last.  In the meantime, I'm still going to keep from shopping.  Both for religious reasons and fiscal ones.  A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do when her salary's been frozen in place at the entry-level value, right?