the solution--

There's a song by Amos Lee (seriously, if you haven't figured out yet that he's my favorite...) called Black River in which he sings about three things that will take his cares away -- the black river, the dear Savior, and sweet whiskey.  It's one of my second-tier favorite songs that he sings, and moments ago it impressed upon me just how often I turn to other things to take my own cares away.

I was speaking to Traci this evening about the scary possibilities of splaying my business out all over the place with that last post (told you I was nervous).  [As much as I think I'm laid-back, I sure do stress about things a lot.]  In the midst of that conversation, Traci pointed me back to what I should have been doing all along.  Praying.

I'm such a me-focused person, and goodness knows I like to do things on my own, including solving all my own problems.  So many times I sell God short by trying to take over everything alone, as though He won't know how to handle my life.  Frankly, it's His job to take care of me.  Not that He has to, but He wants to.  And it's my job to let Him take care of me.  When I gave my life to Christ, I basically agreed to let Him use me as He wants to use me and mold me into a person who will be a vehicle for His just love, mercy and truth.  That means I should love on all my kids as though they were sweet and holy Jesus Himself.  It means that I should fellowship and worship with other believers, encouraging them in their walks with Christ.  But HELLO, it means I need to let Him into my love life, too.

Love and acceptance are such natural and elemental aspects of human existence.  Our relationships with each other are central to our being and our welfare, and they are reflections of the Lord's relationships with us, reflections of all three manifestations of His presence among us -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  If I strive for my personal relationships to be mirrors of God's influence in my life, then how am I to keep Him out of that area of my life?  And honestly, how thoroughly stupid is it of me to try to shut Him out of something so important?

I prayed about it all about two months ago, prayed for guidance and that God would change the desires of my heart.  My prayers were not answered immediately.  I did not pray about it again.  I was an idiot.

God doesn't ask for us to treat Him like a business acquaintance, calling when necessary to place an order and finalize details until we get what we want.  It's supposed to be a conversation.  I'm supposed to be praying a lot, not just to ask for things, but to glorify and thank my Creator for the beautiful life He has already given me and the relationship He and I have.  I'm supposed to be reading His word in order to become closer to Him and learn more about the heart I'm imitating.  And I'm not supposed to be doing those things just to get a gold star on my heavenly sticker chart; I should do them because I have a genuine desire to know Him better and to complete His perfect plan in this imperfect world.

Lord Jesus, forgive me for being so selfish and stubborn.  I ask that You lock my eyes and heart on You, keeping me focused on and thirsty for Your guidance and will.