Am I strange if I want to get engaged just so I can take gorgeous pictures with a beautiful man in the late-afternoon glow? Everyone looks amazing in engagement pictures. I don't care who you are or what kind of pock-marked cro-magnon snaggle-toothed self you have, you look INCREDIBLE. It's my turn to look that darn uncharacteristically fantastic.
You know what, that's basically how I feel about all of that marriage stuff. I want to do it now, but I don't want to be married. There are so many fun things that people do only when it comes to weddings. I mean, maybe not ONLY with weddings, but mainly with them. Let me enlighten you.
I want to buy lots and lots of flowers and decorate an entire building with them, inside and out, just reveling in the soft floral beauty. I'm a big fan of flowers (OH NO I didn't go to the grocery store for post-Valentine's Day flowers and candy! Dang it!!), and when else do people go all out and put them everywhere? And when is it guaranteed that the flowers covering the room will be ones I like the best?
There's the food. I don't care if you have hors d'oeuvres, a buffet or a pig pickin'. There's gonna be some good food at a wedding. I get to choose the menu, I don't have to cook, I don't have to clean up, and I get cake today...in a month...in a year...and I can have as many pieces as I want without people hating on me! I mean, who's gonna fault the bride for having more than one piece of cake? Hater. They're probably single for life or unhappily married anyway. And they're jealous.
Ooh, that's another one. I get to look reeeeally good in a beautiful dress that I chose, I get my makeup and hair and nails did, and I get to wear fun...clothes...and shoes! And I get to dress up all my best friends as though they were my very own life-sized dolls! And we spend a whole day being girly and pampering ourselves. Yay.
There are the gifts, too. At no other time in one's life do people just give you gifts whether they came to your party or not. Okay, graduation, maybe. But here, you get to TELL them what you want, they GIVE it to you, and then you get to take it BACK in exchange for MONEY if you don't LIKE it! This is when rich friends and relatives come in handy. I don't have all that many of those. Another reason to marry a professional baseball player with a privileged upbringing. (At this time, I unfortunately must point out the massive downside to this section: t h a n k - y o u n o t e s . Yikes. I can't stand those little suckers. In fact, I think the ones from Christmas just might be sitting on my desk at school right now, sealed and stamped and ready to go...from who knows how long ago.)
You get a honeymoon! You get to spend a week in a place that's far away and extravagant, and nobody faults you for it, nobody says you're spending too much money on yourselves (unless you chose to honeymoon in like Dubai or something). You just go. And all anybody ever says is how jealous they are and how they can't wait to see the pictures.
Best part? It's one big friends-and-family reunion! It's so tough getting everyone together for things these days, even when you're just trying to schedule a few friends to get together. Most people, though, will travel at least a little ways and block off a moderate chunk of time to see you get hitched. They will dance dumb dances even if they don't want to, just for your sake, and they will give you a big hug and tell you you're beautiful, and they'll probably mean it. It's practically a big clean love-fest. Who doesn't want that?!
Oh, my. If only weddings lasted longer...ooh, and if only you could have a wedding without a spouse...OOH, and if only you could have as many weddings as you want and have them all be free! There you go. I'm now ready to get married. As often and as cheaply and as uncommitted-ly as possible.
Aww...sounds like someone's growing up!!
1 comment:
you should be a wedding planner.
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