The Hunger Games - Update

Ugh, I hate this.  All I want to do right now is eat something, but I know that I'm about to go to bed, so I CANNOT eat anything.  It would be a ridiculous move, considering how low my metabolism is when I'm not sleeping.

Alright, folks, so I think you may know already that my starting weight was much higher than I'd expected.  We're talking about 15 lbs. higher.  I think it's possible that I've lost about 10 lbs. so far, but frankly, I don't know where it all came from.  Because everything looks and fits just about the same.

I've done a horrendous job of sticking to the Weight Watchers diet for about the past two months (which is sad, because I only have a three-month subscription).  I think about it every time I eat - Should I be putting this into my mouth?  How many points would this be?  No, I bet it would actually be way fewer points than that, Traci.  Oh, you looked it up?  Well, I didn't eat the last bite, so it's probably minus two more points from that. - and I try really hard to limit myself.  Like right now.  I can't tell you how happy it would make me to fry up some eggs and make some toast, but I WILL NOT DO IT.  I will let my stomach eat itself instead.

Perhaps I'll start logging points again.  It's the concrete measurement and the conscious counting that make this program work, anyway, keeping me aware of how much food I'm actually eating.  Because lots of the time, it's the little stuff that adds on the pounds.  It's the fun-size candy bar and the second tiny slice of birthday cake (good thing I never got to eat any of my school birthday cake on the second day...) and the non-diet soda one afternoon a week.  So basically it's the things that you know you don't need, but you're just dying to have.  And it can't be all that bad, because it's tiny...

Torture, folks.  Dieting is torture.  But, so is being a big single girl in a thin-girl-loving world (though I personally like having curves), and not having clothes that fit my thighs and stomach, and feeling lethargic, and being too embarrassed to eat much in public because people might be thinking, Oh my, she sure doesn't need that.

So here I am, hungry and wearing elastic, and trying again to commit to being a better me.  Good luck, Self.  But don't talk to me again until you've made some serious progress.