To the only guy who's ever legitimately asked me out:

(The Marine whom I met through a friend and only ever talked to on the phone doesn't count.  Neither does that custodian.)

Today is the anniversary of the day I broke your heart on the dance floor at your frat cocktail.

I promise I didn't mean to do it.  I really was interested in you, and I really did love spending time with you, and I really did think of the possibility of dating you in the future.  I promise I considered your offer, and I meant it when I said maybe; I'm not the kind of girl who will say it just to disguise a no.

I tried to call you several times over the next few days.  If you had answered my calls, I would've told you that I was not ready to be your girlfriend yet, that we needed to spend some time together outside of work, away from all our friends, and really get to know each other.  I needed to know how we interacted when it was just you and me.  I would've told you that after a month or two of the casual stuff, I would probably be ready to make some kind of further commitment.  The kind of commitment you were asking for that evening, that I told you I would consider.

You must remember that we were just juniors in college, and as much as I play the part of a silly, boy-crazy girl, I take quite seriously the decisions I make regarding my heart and my future plans.  I know that every relationship ends with either marriage or a break-up.  I was not ready to make a decision like that on such short notice, and I wish you had realized that all I needed was time.

I know the probability of you reading this is negligible, considering you haven't spoken to me other than in necessary work conversation since that night, you deleted me from Facebook a couple years ago (yes, I noticed), and you're busy finishing up law school, probably in tip-top fashion.  I always loved how much you were able to connect your historical and political knowledge with the law.  I'm still writing this to you because I never got a chance to tell you any of it, and I am tired of feeling like I wronged you somehow.

I'm sorry I broke your heart.  I wish you had let me explain.  I wish it hadn't ended like it did.

I hope you're doing well.

Goodbye, my friend.